The Fam

The Fam

Monday, December 7, 2015

38 Weeks (Tomorrow)

Well, we are in the home stretch. Next Thursday I'm scheduled for a C-Section. I'm sure this week and next week will fly by pretty quickly. I had an appointment last Thursday, and left pretty surprised. At this point in my pregnancy with Finley, her sonogram measurements indicated that she weighed 7 lbs, 4 oz (at 38 weeks). With Fisher, his measurements indicated at 37 weeks that he weighed 7 lbs, 4 oz. And at that point with him, they acted like that was huge. Well at the 37 week sonogram with Fielder, his measurements indicate that he weighs 8 lbs, 10 oz. Yowzah. He is head down and in the negative 1 position and I'm 80% effaced. I never felt like either of my other two would come early, but I'm beginning to wonder if Fielder will make his debut earlier than December 17th. Keep in mind, I'm not due until December 23rd. No telling how big he'd be if I wasn't scheduled. When they measured his head, the screen popped up with 39 weeks, 6 days. Then they measured his belly and it said the same thing. His arm and leg measured 39 weeks. Hooper went with me to the sonogram, and as soon as we saw the little guy's face, we both said, "He looks like Fisher." I know you can't really get a good idea of what they look like, but he certainly looks like Fisher's sonogram. What do you think? Fisher is on the left and Fielder is on the right.
He was so cute with his little mouth and he was rubbing his left eye with his hand the whole time. Watching him wiggle around in there made me really want to hold him. I can't wait! 
Here is what I currently look like. I really didn't think I was that much bigger with Fielder, but when I did the side by side comparison.. yikes! 

I'm not getting much sleep at night. Usually I'll go to sleep around 9:00 and I'll get a stretch until about 12. Then it's about every 2 hours from there. And when I wake up, I feel wide awake. I have to try hard to refrain from playing poker on my phone. My ankles are horribly swollen at the end of the day, and my feet hurt pretty bad on my days off when I hang around the house barefoot. Speaking of which, Hooper sent me "just because" flowers to work last week, then the next day he gave me a foot rub, and the next day he brought me Starbucks, and the next day brought home an orchid for me! He's been really spoiling me lately. I think he knows that I'm getting uncomfortable, sleep doesn't come easy, and he's had a lot of shows lately, which means I'm on my own for baths, dinners, and bed times for the kids on those nights. He's got one last show Friday for the year, and I'm excited to have him home for a few weeks after the baby comes. (He'll be home for Christmas break for two weeks!) I'm hoping that the adjustment from 2 to 3 kids goes smoothly. I especially hope it goes smooth for Finley and Fisher. I'm worried about Fisher because he is still very much my baby. Here's hoping for smooth sailing all the way around! I just really can't wait to meet him. Oh, and I'll post a full nursery blog post sometime soon. It's 99% done. 











Sunday, September 27, 2015

Waaaaaay Overdue For an Update

I can't believe it's taken me this long to post an update. Things have just been so busy around here, and any time that I actually sit down in front of the computer, it's usually to edit photos. Excuses excuses, I know, I know.

So where do I even begin? I guess I'll pick up right where I left off. The last post that I wrote was in April and it was sad. Little did I know that just about a week and a half later everything would change. I realized that there might be a chance I was pregnant, but I kept ignoring it. Finally one day Hooper told me to take a test. I asked him to pick one up for me on his way home from work, and he informed me that we still had one left from the two pack from the last pregnancy. I texted him and said something along the lines of "Whatever the results of this test are, I need you to be happy and supportive." (He's always supportive, but he wasn't totally keen on the idea of trying to have another baby.) He told me that of course he would be happy and supportive, and to let him know as soon as I knew anything. The test was positive and I had all kinds of feelings. I was happy, nervous, scared, unsure if we could really handle three kids. I'm sure that Hooper had all of the same feelings as I did, but only let onto excitement.

We told our families and best friends, scheduled a doctor's appointment, and kept it a secret from everyone else. After my lab work at the first doctor's visit, I found out that my progesterone was low. At this point I wasn't even really allowing the pregnancy to sink in with myself because I was so nervous that something bad would happen. I got a prescription for Progesterone, and took them religiously every evening. I was still nervous at every appointment that they would tell me that there wasn't a heart beat. I was especially nervous at my 12 week appointment, because this is the visit when I found out I lost the baby before. When I heard the heartbeat at that visit, I cried happy tears. I felt like it was the first time that I allowed myself to truly feel it all. I still wasn't ready to "announce" the pregnancy. I think this might be the point where we told our kids, though. We definitely waited, because when we lost the last baby, Finley was heartbroken. I was still reluctant to tell them, but they really needed to know, because I couldn't carry Finley when she wanted me to, or do other things that were normal.

As far as everyone else though, I had decided that I would wait until our beach vacation and do something cute on the beach. Our vacation came (and it was just as amazing as it is every year!), and I still didn't feel quite ready to announce it. I had a doctor's appointment approaching shortly after we returned home, so I felt like it would just be extra safe to wait for that visit, and THEN announce it. Then I thought that the big gender sonogram was approaching just about a week and a half after that appointment, so why not just wait for that? And so that is exactly what we did.

During the gender sonogram, we asked the tech not to tell us the sex. Instead, we brought a little pair of Jennifer Ann "little brother" leggings and "little sister" leggings, and asked Dr. Deem to put the appropriate pair in a box for us. Everything else with he sonogram went well, except that the tech couldn't get a good look at the chambers of the heart. Dr. Deem assured me that she hadn't seen anything alarming, but she just couldn't get as good of a look as she needed to get the measurements. So we had to schedule another sonogram for a month later. That day seemed like the longest day ever. It was really hard to drive around with that box and not peek at it. But we stuck with the plan and opened it in front of my family later that evening. By the way, I just KNEW it was a girl.










So it turns out he's a boy. I was really shocked. It really took me a few days to get used to it because I was so sure he was a girl. In fact, I didn't even really want to talk names too much until I had my sonogram a month later and had clear confirmation that it's a boy. So... the next month's sonogram came and all was good with his heart, he measures bigger than his due date (which is December 23rd), and he's definitely a BOY. Oh, and he has the cutest little profile I've ever seen in a sonogram.


Now that I had the confirmation that I needed, the name game was in FULL force. Every name that I loved, Hooper hated. And every name that he loved (which was only one name, and it was Falcon), I hated. I finally decided that I loved the name Fielder the most. Hoop wasn't crazy about it, but I told him that he could name the middle name if he let me have Fielder. He agreed, and so now we have a growing little baby in my belly named Fielder Augustus Hooper. He measures big, and so do I. I gained 14 pounds in the last MONTH. My maternity clothes from Finley's pregnancy and Fisher's pregnancy barely fit me, and I've already outgrown my size Large maternity scrubs that I ordered. :( The nursery decorating has begun, and I can't wait to finish it and post a nursery reveal for all to see. Here are some photos of Fielder and me over the last several weeks. See what I mean about both of us measuring big? Yikes. 






In comparison to my other pregnancies, I'd say that this one is most similar to Fisher's. I felt very hungover the first 15 weeks, have felt pretty good from then to now, but my feet have already started swelling, and are sensitive to me being on them for long periods. Bending over is almost not doable anymore. It's hard to roll over at night, and I'm not sleeping very solid anymore. The indigestion is here full force, and the leg cramps just started two nights ago. But you know what? It's really not bad. Everything is going pretty darn well. I love being pregnant, and never wish it away in a hurry. I hope to keep updating this, because Fielder is getting totally gipped in the pregnancy blog post department. He's already being treated like a third child. :) 

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Tomorrow

At one point in time, (sometimes it feels like yesterday, and others it seems a lifetime ago), I was looking forward to tomorrow. But for the past 6 months, it's been a day I've been dreading. Tomorrow is April 13, 2015. Otherwise known to me as the day my baby would be born. It's not my due date. In fact, I've actually forgotten what that day actually was. When you're a c-section mama, due dates don't mean as much because you get a set date to look forward to, instead of an estimate. Or if you've suffered a miscarriage, you get a certain date to dread, instead of an estimate.
I remember the doctor giving us a choice- April 13 or April 15. I really wanted to choose April 15th because it's my parents' anniversary. But I knew that there would be no way that I could last two days longer, knowing I could have my baby in my arms sooner. I even thought about the baby having to have Friday the 13th birthdays somewhere down the road, but I just knew I couldn't hold out two more days if I didn't have to do so. So I was set on April 13th.
I've been pretty strong over the past 6 months- only crying here and there. But there's an undeniable hole in my heart, and there are times that I'm more aware of it than others.
As April approached, I knew that people who have been pregnant with me would start having their babies, and that it would sting a little. Even celebrities! I know that sounds silly, but Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake had their baby this weekend. And Kate Middleton should be having hers sometimes soon, too. A friend had their baby this weekend, and another will be having hers this week. As happy as I am for them, it still stings.
I've struggled a lot with unfair comparisons in my mind. I've thought about women who miscarry far later in their pregnancy. And women who have their baby at full term only to lose them immediately. And women who have babies that live a little while, only to be taken too soon. And women who have suffered multiple miscarriages, and don't have any other children. I have friends that fit each description above. I compare my situation to those, and tell myself to get a grip. It could be so much worse. I think about what a wonderful life I have, and that it's not fair to feel anything but happy. I think about how 1 in 4 women has had a miscarriage. But why doesn't anybody else talk about it? Am I overreacting? Having all of these thoughts does me no good. Instead, it just makes me even sadder. What I try to tell myself is that I am not other women. The only thing I know for sure is myself, my situation, and my feelings. As for myself, I'm a strong woman. As for my situation, I lost a baby. And as for my feelings, I occasionally feel very sad. And this month, this week, tomorrow, is definitely one of those times.
One of my sweet friends (who fits one of the listed descriptions above) sent this to me after we found out about the miscarriage.

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

AFP & Ultrasound

Because of Fisher's hemihypertrophy , we have to have renal ultrasounds and lab work done every few months. He hates both. I get really nervous every time these days approach, and then stay nervous until I hear the results the next day. Last time we were there, his Oncologist said that he'd like for us to do the ultrasound and lab work, and then come back the next day to go over it in person. I hated having to drive to Fort Worth two days in a row, but I made it worth it with trips to Target and Home Goods. :)

Surprisingly, Fisher did pretty well for his ultrasound. Special Agent Oso was on tv, so that helped keep his attention. Every time he'd remember what was going on he'd get the saddest frown on his face and try to wiggle off of the table. Luckily, all I had to do was say, "Where's Oso?" and he'd point at the tv and get enthralled again. I've had to train myself not to look at the screen when the tech is doing the ultrasound, because I start thinking that I see things that look abnormal. What do I even know about what looks normal and abnormal with a renal sonogram? Nothing. The answer is nothing. So I just keep my eyes on my little guy and try not to dissect the technicians facial expressions, either. When it was over, we went upstairs to Hematology/Oncology to have the lab work done. He did pretty well with the lab work, but we were both very happy when it was over. 

We ventured to Pro Cuts and got him a pretty lousy haircut, but it's a haircut nonetheless, and he was in dire need of one. He hates haircuts, too, and I just figured if we'd put him through the other two things in life he hates, what's one more? I kid, I kid. Sort of. After the haircut, which he did exceptionally well for, we went to Target to get him a stuffed animal. He chose a black dog and named him "Meh Meh" which translates to "Spanky". (We have a black dog named Spanky, and Fisher calls him Meh Meh.) I also got myself a fabulous globe that was $15. :) 

Today we went back to meet with Dr. Ray, and my stomach was really nervous. I started replaying the ultrasound, and remembered that the tech switched to a different wand (is that what it's called?) midway through the procedure. I started wondering if that meant she saw something odd, so she grabbed the want that would get a more detailed view. I don't recall them ever switching wands before. I turned the radio up to try to keep my mind off of it, and soon we arrived. 

We had to wait a while, but I don't ever mind waiting for Dr. Ray, because I'm well aware that there are patients that need him much more than we do. We got called back to a room, and a little while later, he came in. He said the AFP lab came back at 20. Last time it was 18, the time before that it was 20.9. Dr. Ray said that at this age, normal range is 0-19, and 20 isn't really abnormal. (The normal/abnormal reference chart that the Geneticist uses is different from his, but he's the oncologist, so I'll listen to him.) He said that had his gone from 18 to 1800, then we'd be concerned. But 18 to 20, nothing to worry about. He asked if Fisher has been sick lately, and I told him that he had an ear infection and strep throat in January. The ultrasound showed that Fisher's spleen was mottled. Dr. Ray called to speak to the Radiologist about this, and the conclusion was that Fisher was more than likely sick recently. Apparently, your spleen is like your tonsils, and it is effected when your body has an infection. He said that it makes perfect sense since Fisher recently had strep and an ear infection. Music to my ears! We will go back for lab work in 3 months, and another ultrasound in 6 months, followed with a consult/exam with Dr. Ray again. In March we'll see the Orthopedist, and in May we'll see the Geneticist. All of these appointments make me a nervous wreck, but the relief we get when we hear good news quickly erases the nerves. 

And now, enjoy some photos of him from today, yesterday, and the past couple of weeks. :) 





 







Sunday, January 25, 2015

Be Gentle, 2015

I meant to write this closer to the new year, but I haven't had much time. When every year comes to an end and new one begins, just as the majority of people, I reflect. 2014 was quite the doozy for me. Some really high highs, and some extreme lows. 2014 started off fine, but quickly took a turn when Fisher had his 9 month checkup and was diagnosed with Hemihypertrophy. We had numerous specialist appointments, and will continue to do so every 3 months until he is a teenager. He has his pediatrician, a geneticist, an orthopedist, and an oncologist- all of whom will continue to monitor him. Most of the specialist appointments were fine, but there was one that really shook us up. Right around that same time, we got the wonderful news that we had a new nephew. Jude has been such a dream! The process of my brother and Anna adopting has been so joyous, and the past almost 6 months with him have been amazing! Also during that time, we sold our house, had a roller coaster ride with a potential house, and ultimately bought our current home, which we love. Everything ended up being fine with Fisher (Praise God!), and we found out we were expecting a baby. But when I went to my 12 week appointment, we found out that I had suffered a miscarriage. The news about Fisher and the miscarriage were some of the lowest points in my life. But they were running parallel with some of the greatest times, as well. I just can't say enough positive things about baby Jude, and the joy and happiness he has brought to all of us. When women have miscarriages, sometimes they shut off and don't want to hear about other babies, or see other babies, because they're reminded of what they won't have. But with Jude, it was the opposite. I wanted to be with him even more, because it just puts you in even more awe of God's plan. To shut the door on 2014 is to shut the door on some really sad times. But sure enough, they'll follow into 2015 because Fisher will always have Hemihypertrophy, and I'll never stop thinking about my baby that I lost. But the good times will follow also. We have a new home and a new nephew.

Some other highlights of 2014:

Hooper got a new job
Our beach vacation
Our annual girls' trip
Jude's finalization
Christmas trip to the Gaylord
Christmas time, period.
And so many more.

Here are some photos from some of those times.